This topic I hold near and dear to my heart because of how much I really struggled and still struggle everyday to try and overcome feelings of not being “enough”. It’s kind of crazy because every girl at some point or another has felt this way about themselves. If you’re that person thinking no, that’s not me, I’ve never felt that way before… You’re full of shit, quit kidding yourself. (And I mean that in the most loving way possible, however at the same time..get real)
How often do you compare yourself to other women ? “Why can’t I have her sense of humor?” “She’s so fit, I want to be that fit.” “She’s so confident, why can’t I be that
confident?” “She has the most beautiful blonde hair, if I had her hair I would feel so attractive.”
We all do it. Usually it starts off innocent, an older sister, a favorite actress, a teacher. You idolize them, wanting to do everything the way they do it. As time passes you grow out of it, gain a little life experience and begin to idolize other things. However, if you’re anything like me … I never grew out of comparing myself to others. When you’re in constant comparison to everyone around you, your identity dissipates. You see yourself as a lesser version, an older model, all because you’re so wrapped up trying to look like someone else, act like someone else and be someone else. It’s a terrible way to live, waking up everyday wishing to be anyone but you.
I am that girl that idolizes every size 2 model. My friends that have thin legs and no ass.. I’m like….. where can I get that ?! I have looked at myself in the mirror for years and hated that reflection. I would try every fad diet, hit the gym constantly, personal trainers, you name it, I’ve tried it. People would constantly tell me “you’re crazy” you’re body looks exactly how your body looks. “You’re never going to be a size 2 you’re just not built that way.” I simply wouldn’t accept the black and white truth. I wanted a body that mirrored the Victoria’s Secret models and I would stop at nothing until I had it. I grew more and more insecure, hating my body, hating my relationship with food, hating shopping. I was always left feeling disappointed. It finally dawned on me I’m going to spend the rest of my life angry and resentful at the body I was given. I needed to make a change, accept what was and do my best to just live healthy.
The struggle of truly loving yourself, who you are, what you look like, where you came from is perhaps one of the toughest obstacles in life to overcome. Not truly loving yourself makes for rough waters in almost, if not all aspects of your life. Your relationships with your friends, lovers, and yourself are in constant chaos. You may not even notice because you’re so used to self sabotage. It took me a very long time to understand that I am who I am. My face, will always be my face. I can put make up on, I can curl my hair, die it, wear fake eyelashes or bright red lipstick but it’s still my face. My body is and will always be my body. I can work out and eat healthy but I can’t undo the natural disposition I was given. At the end of the day, I needed to learn to be okay with the person looking back at me in the mirror because news flash girlies… You are you.
So how ?!How do we begin our upward battle towards loving the face starting back at you in the mirror? Try these 5 things out. Commit to them for 30 days. Then I want to hear from you! (: Tell me how it’s going, if there’s been a change in your life? How you feel on a day to day basis?
1.Write down 2 things that you like about yourself.
Every single morning before you leave the house jot down two things you like about yourself in a journal. They can be silly, they can be serious. They can be whatever you want !
can hold a conversation with anyone *** love your eyelashes *** are a great friend *** love your mind *** are great with kids *** inspire people *** have a great ass
This exercise focuses you to view yourself positively. The first thing you do in the morning is allow yourself to like yourself. It’s so simple but extremely effective.
With yourself! Take time to yourself to appreciate existing in the world.
This was hard for me. I remeber the first time I went to a movie alone I bought my ticket online so I didn’t have to tell the ticket person that I only needed one. Eventually the more I forced myself out of my comfort zone the easier it got. This was a straight up struggle for a few months, it is extremely uncomfortable! But now, I go to the movies at least twice a month and confidently stroll right up to the ticket counter and purchase a single ticket. I go get massages. I go on road trips where I actually get full control of the radio. I take myself to get ice cream. I make myself fancy dinners and enjoy a nice glass (or 3) of wine with a movie of my own choosing. The sappier the better. (; Once you can get past the uncomfortableness, dating myself has been a blast. It’s everything I want to do, when I want to do it. I never have to wait around for someone to do something with.
3. Play up your strengths.
My friend Sara made a comment to me one day about having curvier hips. (She’s absolutely tiny by the way ). Instead of beating herself up and wishing she didn’t have curvier hips, ( like something I would have done )
she simply stated ” But I have great arms and nice legs. I wear things that accentuate my best features and stay away from things that don’t. I know I can’t wear crop tops but I look great in mini skirts.”Ladies, I cannot stress this enough… We all have attributes that are special and unique only to us. USE THEM! Focus your attention on what you like about yourself not the things that you don’t.
4. I am me. I am beautiful. I am enough.
One Mantra. Three sentences. Nine words.
Love it. Live it. Repeat it.
When you see someone and start the comparison in your head. STOP. Remember your two things you wrote down this morning! Think about them. Repeat the mantra. Over and over and over again. Believe it. Believe in the things that make you who you are. There is only one you. One very unique, beautiful, perfectly imperfect person, love that person! The desire to compare yourself to others will not go away over night. Honestly, it will probably take years. I mean think about it… How long have you reenforced the habit of comparing yourself to others? We have to begin to undo the unhealthy habit. Be patient with yourself!
5. Live the life you have intended for yourself.
When your actions begin to align with what you intend for your life, confidence pours out of you. You become, not only proud of the things you’re doing but legitimately happy; living a life you created for yourself. When you constantly fall short of what you truly want to be doing with your life, you begin a vicious cycle of feeling lost, frustrated and hopeless. Knowing you can be doing more and wanting to do more but not, breeds eternal suffering. If you want it, make it happen. Everything is in fact, possible.
Thanks for reading everyone. (: Please feel free to share this post if you know of someone who could use a little extra encouragement.